last night started off well and with great intentions.

But I don't tolerate disobedience, eventhough I desperately needed peace.

I honestly don't like to punish, however it is necessary and worth it to help growth.

This morning mia and I had a VERY lengthy *discussion* and both were left drained...completely.

I think we all need a retreat, to just get away for a while and not emerge until things calm down. However we all have to work (which of course brings its own stress dynamics) and there's no "out" of this...however I do have a couple of ideas, so we'll see.

I am proud of mia though, I must say. I know she's been through a lot and I see her growth and hold her with pride...no matter what happens.

We all work together as well, and honestly this company is really going positively NUTS...My mia needs structure, she's not getting this at work and she brings this home. she's not used to dealing with this type of stress, and as much as it pains me I have to let her figure out on her own how to deal, I can only guide...I just wish I could take it from her, but I know that would not help her grow into the well adjusted person she is meant to be and it is important to me for her to be able to take this on.

Sometimes she doesn't think she can handle something, but she tries anyway and she always does the best she thinks she can do...which I am very proud of...but sometimes I know she can surprise herself, that she's capable of far more than she'll ever know, unless I push her a little to help her show herself what she can handle. This is never comfy though, is it? Guess that's why it's called "growing pains"

My babygirl is in quite a funk...I have to let her sort it out on her own...this is very hard on me, to sit back and watch...but she knows that eventhough she has to work this out for herself she is not alone, that I will always been right beside her no matter what.

Tonight is looking like it's going to be a really nice night!! We all need it very badly right about now. But I've made it clear to all that eventhough life is crazy that's no excuse for losing connections and getting off center...so we're going to have a little bit of reconnection tonight...darn :)

I hate being a hard ass *grin* but sometimes it's needed to jerk a person out of their funk and make them focus on what's important. And right about now there's nothing more important than this family, this connection, and this bond that we've worked so hard to build.

I got to shoot with Cat again, it is so much fun tying her up...she always giggles :) Also I got to put her in her first tight-n-shinies!!

Here's just a taste...

Today is Double Gym Tuesdays. Ugh...can you feel the enthhusiam!!

It seems that I am a glutton for punishment...but hey, at least it's for a good cause!!

The Leukemia and Lymphoma does a fundraiser each year called Team in Training. This is an endurance sport event that people participate in and the money raised goes to support TLLS. I chose Triathlon as my sport.

I have done several fundraiser, and in college I even designed a state-wide fundraiser for the AIDS Benefit Foundation in SC, and was even made an honorary Member of the Board. But I've never done an endurance sport in My life.

This event is special to My heart for a couple of reasons...

1) A couple of years ago I lost My MeMe to Leukemia. It was so hard to see her go through all that pain. It hurt when she passed on, but at least she wasn't the one hurting anymore.

2) Last year around this time I signed up, began raising money, and started training with the team...however the day before the actual event I was scheduled for heart surgery. Needless to say I didn't get to actually participate in the event.

Well I'm fine now and I'm gearing up for this time I WILL compete this time :) But I was obviously put back on the fitness level since surgery and I basically have to start over anew, no worries, just frustrating.

Tonight I get to log some miles on the treadmill, and then it's off to a swim class (did I mention last year I actually had to learn to swim!!)

However mia has some massage books and dvds that she is studying, so at least I'll be able to end this LONG day with a nice massage!!

Today I sent mia for a nap after she got done with her work, she was so tired and I know Wwe've been very busy, so I've been worried that she's not getting enough rest. While she rested I continued getting a metric assload of photos together....then I have to go through each one, edit, the whole nine yards. I love what I do, but sometimes it can get tedious...especially when I am reorganizing the files and shoots, blah.
After a while I went up to her room and curled up behind her, used My hand warmers and relaxed a little with her. After a few minutes though I had to get back to work, setting up the studio, getting rope together, and junk like that. I was getting ready for a photoshoot on top of everything else I had to do.
Fortunately, however, the model flaked and didn't show up...which is fine, this was just a "fun time" shoot though so nothing was set in stone anyway and I rather enjoyed the surprise down-time, though I didn't get a chance to actually relax because I had lots of stuff to do.
In a few, however, I have to leave for rehearsal...no rest for the weary I guess :)

Today was a lazy day, which is rare, but it's definitely not the usualy Saturday.
Last night was busy as all hell though...Wwe all went to eat,shared some miscommunication, got it sorted out, then went to a friend's place. I got to see a rare friend as well and hang out at her place for a bit...we tried to look up photos of Buck Angel as a woman, but no one could find any :(. 
After that she and I played some in the studio while I took some photos, then Wwe began to play some more...My sweet little one doesn't seem too fond of the cane and the wax :) she did well though, and I must say she is incredibly hot  when she's bent over though. 
This am Wwe got manicures and pedicures as a gift from the hubby to both of Uus because he's sweet like that. 
Tomorrow I have a photoshoot scheduled and a rehearsal for another show I'll be in this April. Today, though, it's good to be lazy!

You have been Invited to a BDSM slumber party. The rules are as follows. You are allowed to bring with you 5 items to play with and or share with the party. You may not copy anyone else's answers, but you may alter them to make them different,and when you are finished you MUST tag 5 new people to come to the party. You MAY be tagged more than once, so be creative in answers.

I'm bringing....

1) magic shell chocolate sauce and ice cubes .... mmmmmmmm
2) electro gear  with wartenberger wheel, electro butt plug and conductive chain mail bra and panties
3) remote control clit vibes for everyone, each controler is placed in a hat and selected randomly by each other member of the party, the fun is to see who your remote control "controls" lol!!
4) a gag, of course...I'd love to watch you lovelies play "pass the gag" (you hold this gag in your mouth and pass it to the mouth of the next lovely and so on until someone "accidentally" drops the gag...and well mmmm)
5) twister...babyoil...nekkid lovelies...you do the math!
I tag...........</b></a>
</a>polybdsmadhouse
</b></a>being_elodie
</b></a>just_his_girl
</b></a>controlledgirl</b></a>mlordslittleone
...and all the rest of you out there in flistdom!</b>

Ugh!! Last night just went ON and ON and ON!!! Sometimes I have to "bite My toungue" when dealing with people so as not to let out the "RAWR".

I *hate* having My time wasted...who doesn't!! mia and I went to practice for a show I am going to be in and I was nice and gave a ride to another of the actors. This guy made Uus 2.5 hours LATE!! I was nice and obliged him and drove him to pick up things he left in his house, then I had to sit as he made himself comfy at his house...all the while politely nudging him towards the door. ugh.
Breathe, it's ok...it's just time...
Once Wwe finally got to practice the other actor was cool about the delay, but still...then there was "socialize" time...I politely nudged them to move on with practice...these are My friends and in our little circle of performers there are friends and there are "divas". I am a very nice and diplomatic person, and I didn't want them to think "diva" of Me lol!! But honestly I had decided that enough was enough and if they weren't going to listen to Sweet Me, then it was time to take control of the situation! Finally...and all it took was a nice simple kick-ass Me, now why didn't I think to do that earlier? Oh yeah, because I'm "nice" LOL!!!

My sweet little one was so good though, she watched and was pleasant and gave Me smiles while I practiced. she knows that I hate wasting time and that I was at the point of getting frustrated at how long practice was taking.

...side note...the last time I brought a submissive other than mia to a show practice, it was actually to a shoot for a music video I was in (I brought them to help be My assistants as I had many props/costumes/etc I would have to get on and off Me quickly, and they were fully prepped that this would be a long and stressful day for Me)...for the first 10-15 minutes or so they were starstruck yet pleasant...but after that short time they both turned bitchy and whiny, so much so that I actually had to break from the troupe to attend to them so that they would not disturb the rest of the cast!!!! This is a testament to how much I love and trust mia to behave and to uphold My honor when doing things like this.

I felt so awful though, because by the time Wwe both got back home it was truly too late for My mia to enjoy the VDay surprise hubby and I had cooked up for her. Sigh.

It is now known that I will not tolerate a practice such as this a second time as My time won't be wasted again. My interests and hobbies do take up time, however that time is worth it if is it productive...over-long chatting and traipsing all over town because of some insignificant forgotten item (it actually wasn't needed for practice, which I didn't know at the time), that sort of thing is just wasteful.

By the home I got home all I wanted to do was to pick up My mia and put her in the playroom, strip her down, and give her a nice happy spanking for being so good while Wwe had to go through the whole ordeal....well a spanking among other things, which included partial suspension by way of new padded leather restraints I had gotten yesterday! Alas, there will be time enough for that, and all the more wonderful once My babygirl has been rested!!

Normally Hubby and I don't really celebrate VDay...after ten years together we've gotten tired of this kind of thing...but this year it is special because I have My little monita, mia.

EARLY this am, I hear a light rapping on My bedroom door. WTF? I know My mia has been hurting with being female this week, so I thought maybe she needed something, so I woke up and went to the door.

I open the door to find a naked mia holding a silver serving tray with a breakfast and hot chocolate, which she kneeled to present to Me. mia knows that I've never had real hot chocolate before, you know the kind with milk and the stove...I told her this a while ago, and it seems My mia pays attention to Me ;) she even used the special chocolate she got from a Spanish market to make it all authentic.

This really started My day off!!

As My sleepy eyes took in My sweet mia shivering naked and cold I put My comfy bathrobe around her shoulders and hugged her and told her how sweet she was. I was further surprised when I got to My desk at work where I was greeted with a card, a teddybear holding a balloon, and heart shaped muffin pan (mia knows I love to bake!). This is mia's FIRST Valentine's Day, she's never really celebrated this with someone, other than the card exchange fromgrade school so she wanted to do the traditional VDay type stuff for Me. she's such a good girl.

Also I am now the proud owner of Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink SIGNED BY MIDORI!!!

So far this day is great!!!

I've got a little surprise planned for mia as well...but I am stringing her along until her collar anniversary on the 22nd, there's also a built in riddle that she must figure out in order to get her surprise!!! I'm make her wait and I'm making her work for it because I am a big ol meanie :)


I hope everyone's Valentine's Day is wonderful!!
Hugs and Kisses to you all!